hey humans. this is george. sean said that everyone would be interested in hearing about me, so josephine asked me to write a little something about how my life's going lately. since i recently learned how to type, i accepted the challenge. but what to say?
here is the thing: i mostly sleep. because i am a fucking cat.
here are some places i like to sleep:
on josephine
on brian
on guests
in drawers
in the dryer
on the tv
on the computer monitor
other things i enjoy doing include: stretching, walking/perching on tv and computer monitor, looking out windows, trying to escape my apartment, taking really long pees, and scratching bitches.
things i will never do include: save british children, invite clementine or saber over (thanks brian and josephine), forget upton.
i am pretty happy here at 2016 banita street apartment 4, but i wish i could go outside. jo says that she will get me a collar and then we'll see. but jo is a pirate hooker. she feeds me twice a day which is sweet, but i was getting a little hefty there for a while. so now she starves me and makes me run on treadmills. yeah. that's true.
time to go sleep. bye bitches. don't ever forget: I WILL KILL YOU.
5 comments:
Sounds like life is treating you pretty well, George. Although you obviously miss stalking things in the high grass outside of the Upton house, you're still living the good life. You should be nice to Josephine. She's loving you for all of us.
george again... i finally got rid of that brian fuck. i was waiting for him at the front door this morning and slashed his Achilles heels as he came in. WHAT A NOOB. anyway i forgot to menton that i also like to chase bugs that only cats can see, silly humans. Id also like to give a shout out to those "i can have some hamburger please guys". LEARN ENGLISH YOU DUMB BASTARDS. how long have we been living with humans, plotting our revenge for all those day to day calenders and motivational posters they made us dress up for, fuck them up their stupid asses. don't give them the satisfaction of thinking we are inferior. because they are the ball lickers.
to sum up, i basically rule 2016 banita street apartment. i say just apartment, because by the time you read this i will have dominated all of this complex, with out a stupid crowbar mind you.
ive been watching jay and silent bob like erry day. and! omg! aritoCATS...not the same as aristoCRATS... eewww.
hahahaha cant wait to see you gw. quick question: do you like the bowl jo jo made for you with your name on it?
no i hate bowls but i do appreciate the finer things in life like trying to type on the computer while brian puts his head underneath my paws so that i'll scratch his head.....i mean brian is dead
sorry i was drunk earlier. i fucking love that bowl.
-george
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