Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My thoughts on New York

I don't really have too much to say that Mike, Dru, and Brian haven't already laid out. Needless to say, the whole affair was suitably epic from start to finish... plenty of stories, all laid out in bullet points below, to which I have little to add.

But I will say this: I have fallen desperately in love with New York City. There's nothing I can say here that would impart to you, if you've never been there, the scale and diversity and pervasive weirdness of the place. I don't care that it was founded by the vile Dutch... NYC is the Great American Melting pot brought to a rapid boil... everything right and wrong about America stacked 80 stories high, with stakes in the endeavor up for grabs to anyone willing to take part. Oppressive institutions and limitless opportunity abound, and while they may not actually have an inch physical space left in the place, there's room for you and me there.


Sometime on Wednesday night, absolutely floating after a solid showing at the Jeopardy audition, I chugged a pitcher of Irish Car Bomb in a bar somewhere in the East Village (thanks again, BriBri). This is not as hard as one might think, and it earns you a spot on the wall of fame at Cheapshots Bar, plus a healthy round of drunken applause. Needing a few minutes to recover, I dragged Dru outside to smoke and gawk some more at the hip, frantic madness of the Village.

"So, did I mention again that I nailed that audition?"
"Yeah, homie... I'm really excited for you."
I lit a smoke, cocked my head to the side, and let out a pitcher's worth of belch.
"Dru, I really hope that this pans out. I mean, I know it's a dumb pipe dream, but the money they have up for grabs could solve a lot of problems... fund a lot of other dumb pipe dreams."
"Dan, if there's anyone who could make some crazy shit like this happen, it's you. I mean, we've come this far."
"Yeah..." I looked around, feeling that massive drink starting to come on and still just stunned that, Holy Freaking God, we're actually in New York City. "So I think I want to move here, man. I have no idea how I'd do it, short of... uh... winning a bunch of money on Jeopardy"

Dru nodded his approval, obviously as impressed with the place as I was. Then we started throwing out all kinds of fun bullshit plans, playing with about a half-mil worth of game show winnings I'll likely never see, gathering everyone up and settling ourselves into that enormous urban playground. We finished our cigarettes and stumbled back inside, and I, having gone from zero to drunk in the lifespan of a Camel Light, thought to myself... "Goddamn... that was a pitcher of Guinness"

The rest of the night is something of a blur.

You know... it's fun to dream.


more stuff from NYC

- got "balls deep on a nights sleep"
- saw a sweet space motorcycle on the road
- ohio gas station are full of prostitutions and dumb cunts
- carsons sexy time song is killing in the name of by rage against the machine
- swamp crotch + walking in New York = chaffing
- "its 2009!"
- i went in the sweetest comic shop ever  graphic novels for miles

Monday, June 29, 2009

The King is dead, long live The King!!

It's official, just dropped brian off, now im gonna show rip van winkle how it's really done.

Things Mike left out:
Downing a beer in every state.
Watching a cars wheel fall off right in front of us.
Best Jerusalem food ever.
Rocking "i <3 NYC" by Andrew WK as NYC came into view.
Partying like fucking rock stars in Athens (well at least like alt-bluegrass stars).
Subway performers.
"Whats teh worst thing a black guy can say to a jew?" 'Hi dad!'
Im not looking for a hand out, just a hand up." - Guy selling The Onion (dan bought one).
If its Armageddon, then Arm-a-gettin' drunk.
The Empire State Building.
Challenging freggot new yorkers to a game of beer pong.
Times Square at night.
"this car smells like nutsack and farts"
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1.

im sure someone will fill in the blanks, for now ZZZzzZzzzzzZZZ

Sunday, June 28, 2009


Things that happened to us or we witnessed on our roadtrip to NYC:

  • We spent roughly 30 hours straight five-deep in a car.
  • We listened to songs on our four iPods and two iPhones and had almost no repeats.
  • We quizzed Dan using the power of said iPhones and j-archive.com
  • We drank whiskey from the bottle in Tennessee at 6 in the morning.
  • We got into New Jersey and immediately got rained on.
  • We found our hostel and had drinks at the "Ding Dong Lounge", where one guy assumed we were all gay - later found out it was Pride Week in NYC.
  • Got accused of stealing a French girl's passport who was staying in our room in the hostel. Later, Brian's snoring caused another girl in the room to turn on a spelunking helmet and shine the light in his face until he woke up.
  • Started talking to an Israeli girl who told us she was not on coke at least five times, and later smoked on her roof.
  • Smoked in Central Park about five or six times. Also brazenly smoked on somebody's front steps in the East Village, at 10'o'clock at night.
  • Looked for the Cash Cab, didn't find it.
  • Dan kicked ass at his audition.
  • Saw a guy fall all the way down an escalator right in front of us in New Jersey.
  • Witnessed a city gone wild over MJ's death.
  • Hung out with Eva Parr, who took us around the village.
  • Dan got his picture on the wall of the bar Cheapshots in the village for drinking two truck bombs (think a car bomb, but half a pitcher of guiness instead of half a pint)
  • Carson was refused entry to the bar that sells 5 shots for $10 because of his baggy pants "Hey man, we don't do that. We got a dress code."
And much more. Who wants to move to NYC?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

There was no point in looking back... fuck no, not today, thank you kindly...

"Our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character: a gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit...



we arnt hitchhiking across the USA, but

New York City is the place where they say...

(dont mind the r-tard re-recording: limey snaggletooth poms, what can you expect)

Monday, June 22, 2009

About a Gnome...

Question: Does anyone know where Bruce Bannister is?


chris!!!! new DLC

Fall Out

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


I'm moving to Houston in August. Who's going to be there too? Katie? Do you live there? I can finally pay you for my shirt and you can give it to me.

I'll be living downtown and interning at a high school. Not sure about what kind of job I'll be able to get. I need one though.

BRIAN...that movie, Wanted, was terrible. TERRIBLE. Jesus Christ Awful. But then I found a movie even worse with the same main actor whatever his name is. It's called Bollywood Queen. But it's still better than Wanted even tho it's worse because it's the kind of terrible movie that is super fun to watch with friends and make fun of and talk through.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dynamo Game in Nelson!!

One of the greatest things I've done in Nelson so far.

Dynamo Game in Nelson

seanlb.blogspot.com for more.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

hey guys,

i love quitting jobs like a fat kid loves cake, starting with something clever like "there is so much i want to do before i settle down into a life of soul crushing drudgery" ...transitioning into some actual complaints...and making sure to squeeze in a "Fuck you mother fuckers. Fuck you."

its still hard though, send me <3.

kia kaha

clash of the titans

sam worthington

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Monday, June 1, 2009

drunken manager confesses to hendrix murder?

monday murder mystery

also love means never having to say you are sorry, if by 'love' you mean 'mushrooms'